Review: First "Conan the Barbarian" is Still a Beast of a Movie

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 137 (of 2006) by Leroy Douresseaux

Conan the Barbarian (1982)

Running time: 131 minutes (2 hours, 11 minutes)

MPAA – R

DIRECTOR: John Milius

WRITERS: Oliver Stone and John Milius; from a story by Edward Summer (based upon the stories by Robert E. Howard)
PRODUCERS: Buzz Feitshans and Raffaella de Laurentiis
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Duke Callaghan
EDITOR: C. Timothy O’Meara
Golden Globe Award winner

FANTASY/ACTION/ADVENTURE

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Earl Jones, Sandahl Bergman, Ben Davidson, Cassandra Gaviola, Gerry Lopez, Mako, Valérie Quennessen, William Smith, and Max Von Sydow

Young Conan (Jorge Sanz) saw his father (William Smith) murdered by a band of marauders who attacked their village. Conan’s mother (Nadiuska) took on the marauder’s warlord, Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones), in a sword duel before Doom beheaded her. Doom’s soldiers subsequently sold Young Conan into slavery. The intense labor he endures as a slave (pushing a giant grinding wheel) transforms the adult Conan (Arnold Schwarzenegger) into a sinewy, muscular giant. Before long, opportunistic men further transform him into a skilled gladiator, who can outfight any man and probably kill at will.

Conan however becomes a thief. His companions are two mercenaries – the comely warrior woman, Valeria (Sandahl Bergman, who won a Golden Globe in 1983 for “Most Promising Newcomer of the Year in a Motion Picture – Female, an award the Globes stopped giving over two decades ago), and the sword fighter, Subotai (Gerry Lopez). The trio is captured by a grieving monarch, King Osric (Max Von Sydow), whose daughter joined a powerful snake-worshipping cult. His offer of riches to rescue her puts Conan on the path to avenging the murder of his Cimmerian tribesman and family. Osric’s daughter, The Princess (Valérie Quennessen), plans to marry the leader of this cult, which rules the land far and wide, his name – Thulsa Doom, the villain who murdered Conan’s mother. Revenge won’t come easy, Doom wields powerful magic, and his army is many and strong.

Before the age of computer generated effects, filmmakers of fantasy films relied on in-camera effects, hand drawn animation, makeup effects wizards, and mechanical puppets and creature effects to transport viewers to worlds that looked like ours, but were filled with warriors, kings, princess, monsters, and powerful wizards. There were no computer-generated combatants to fill imaginary epic battlefields (as in The Lord of the Rings). Stuntmen and fight coordinators who specialized in martial arts and hand-to-hand combat, animal wranglers to handle horses, prop masters and weapons makers, etc. had to use their wits and skills to create believable battle scenes. Often, the actors and actresses had to get down and dirty and perform their own stunts – do their own fighting.

To direct this kind of film, a producer would have to find a director who is a man’s man, one who made movies for guys – guys who love movies (as the TNT slogan goes). Filmmaker John Milius has spent his career writing or directing (and sometimes both) tough guy adventure epics. His resume includes script writing for Apocalypse Now and Clear and Present Danger. He also wrote and directed the semi-cult classic, Red Dawn.

Milius took on the ultimate action hero actor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, early in the actor’s movie career in the film, Conan the Barbarian. The two work magic. Schwarzenegger isn’t a great actor in the classic tradition of playing a diverse body of characters and burying oneself in those roles. He is, however, a movie star – an actor who really looks like nothing else but an actor when the camera starts filming. Arnold as Conan has more than a ring of truth to it because Arnold has The Presence.

Milius puts it all together. Conan the Barbarian is a fine epic flick filled with burning villages, screaming peasants, murderous marauders, and devious women wielding sex and offering their supremely well-built bodies to men all-too-ready to get laid at the drop of a loin cloth or at the peek of boob flesh. Milius (who co-wrote the script with Academy Award winning director Oliver Stone of Platoon and JFK) gives up little fights, man on man tussles, and superbly staged battles of testosterone-fueled men stabbing, slicing, cutting, and gutting one another; of horses racing, falling, and dying on top of their riders; and of death on the battlefield.

In addition to Schwarzenegger, the rest of the cast also performs well. James Earl Jones is madness personified as the murderous, egomaniacal, and insane Thulsa Doom. Sandahl Bergman as Valeria and Gerry Lopez as Subotai hit the right notes as Conan’s thieves-in-arms. Milius’ crew of technicians, craftsman, and stuntmen also give him a superior effort. Basil Poledouris’ score is picture perfect; very few movies about men with swords fighting each other ever had music so good. Milius takes the Poledouris’ music and mixes it with the rest of his ingredients to create a truly entertaining guy’s fantasy flick. Conan the Barbarian isn’t perfect, but as a sword and sorcery epic, it’s perfect enough.

7 of 10
A-

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

NOTES:
1983 Golden Globes: 1 win: “New Star of the Year in a Motion Picture – Female” (Sandahl Bergman)

1983 Razzie Awards: 1 nomination: “Worst Actor” (Arnold Schwarzenegger)

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Review: "Conan the Destroyer" Goes on an Adventure

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 138 (of 2006) by Leroy Douresseaux

Conan the Destroyer (1984)
Running time: 102 minutes (1 hour, 42 minutes)
MPAA – PG
DIRECTOR: Richard Fleischer
WRITERS: Stanley Mann; from a story by Roy Thomas and Gerry Conway (based upon the characters and stories created by Robert E. Howard)
PRODUCER: Raffaella De Laurentiis
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Jack Cardiff
EDITOR: Frank J. Urioste

FANTASY/ADVENTURE/ACTION

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Wilt Chamberlain, Grace Jones, Mako, Tracey Walter, Olivia d’Abo, and Sarah Douglas, Pat Roach, Sven Ole Thorsen, Bruce Fleischer, and Ferdinand Mayne

Queen Taramis (Sarah Douglas) makes a deal with Conan (Arnold Schwarzenegger), the Cimmerian who is barbarian, warrior, and thief: accompany her niece, Princess Jehnna (Olivia d’Abo) and her bodyguard Bombatta (the late Wilt Chamberlain, in his first and only film role) to find a precious jewel and key, which they will bring back to Taramis’ kingdom. For that, Taramis says she will revive Conan’s lover, Valeria (who was killed in the film Conan the Barbarian).

Grieving and still madly in love with Valeria, Conan agrees and leads a ragtag group of adventures that includes his fellow thief, Malak (Tracey Walter), Akiro “The Wizard” (played by the actor, Mako, Akiro also appeared in the first film), and a wild warrior woman, Zula (Grace Jones), who escort Jehnna and Bombatta on a quest of find the princess’ treasure. Meanwhile, Queen Taramis secretly plots against Conan and Jehnna, as part of a larger plan to awaken Dagoth the Sleeping God, who currently resides in Taramis’ palace as a reclining marble statue.

Conan the Destroyer, is a lot lighter fare than its predecessor, Conan the Barbarian. Gone are macho men filmmakers, co-writer/director John Milius and co-writer, Oliver Stone. They are replaced for the second film by director Richard Fleischer and two comic book writers, Roy Thomas and Gerry Conway, who wrote the treatment for this film, which screenwriter Stanley Mann apparently changed quite a bit. Fleischer, well known for directing such family-friend fantasy films as Walt Disney’s 20000 Leagues Under the Sea, Fantastic Voyage, and Doctor Doolittle, gives Conan the Destroyer a lighter tone than the first film. It’s silly, but fun – almost cartoonish.

Even in a flick with a lighter tone, Arnold Schwarzenegger is still imposing and fun as Conan. Grace Jones and Tracey Walter’s characters are excellent comic relief (and have some decent screen chemistry between the two of them). The villains are straight out of fantasy pulp fiction and B-movies. Basil Poledouris returns to score the second film, but much of Destroyer’s score sounds like music from Conan the Barbarian. Although the first film is technically a better film (and more of a guy’s flick), I prefer the fun, adventure fantasy that Conan the Destroyer offers.

6 of 10
B

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

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Review: Original "Spy Kids" a Family Action Flick

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 135 (of 2005) by Leroy Douresseaux

Spy Kids (2001)
Running time: 88 minutes (1 hour, 28 minutes)
MPAA – PG for action sequences
EDITOR/WRITER/DIRECTOR: Robert Rodriguez
PRODUCERS: Elizabeth Avellan and Robert Rodriguez
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Guillermo Navarro
COMPOSERS:  John Debney, Danny Elfman, Los Lobos, and Robert Rodriguez

ACTION/COMEDY/FAMILY

Starring: Antonio Banderas, Carla Gugino, Alexa Vega, Daryl Sabara, Alan Cumming, Tony Shalhoub, Teri Hatcher, Cheech Marin, Robert Patrick, and Danny Trejo

Robert Rodriguez is a low-budget filmmaker even when he gets a big budget to make a film. His breakthrough work, El Mariachi, was an effort of gathering money from wherever he could, including selling his body for medical experiments. Even as his budgets grew larger, his films still had a low cost, B-movie feel to them including such entertaining movies as From Dusk Till Dawn (which was actually a low-budget film) and The Faculty. When he turned his eye towards making a kid-friendly film, he retained his charming visual style, and used a bigger budget to create imaginative and novel backdrops and characters – all of which are seen in Spy Kids.

In Spy Kids, Gregorio and Ingrid Cortez (Antonio Banderas and Carla Gugino) are retired spies with two precocious children, Carmen (Alexa Vega) and Juni (Daryl Sabara), but Gregorio has a secret. He’s still doing spy work, and a project he worked on, named the Third Brain, is the object of desire of a bad spy, Mr. Lisp (Robert Patrick). When Lisp and his cohorts capture Gregorio and Ingrid, their spunky, resourceful children, Carmen and Juni, decides that it’s up to them to find their parents and save the world from the threat of Lisp and his band of nefarious Spy Kids.

Spy Kids has a lot in it that’s worth liking. For one thing, it’s a decidedly low-wattage action movie, which is perfect for children. It lacks the violence and intensity of many action films, but it retains the spirit of action flicks with a sense of adventure and lots of high tech gadgets and vehicles. The cast of villains is a collection of oddballs, seemingly more inspired by Tim Burton films than James Cameron films. Rodriguez fills his Spy Kids with imaginative sets and creatures that seemingly come right out of a children’s fairytale book or a comic book. It all looks so unusual in the context of an action movie, but that’s what makes Spy Kids really unique.

The acting is mostly pretty good. While Banderas and Ms. Gugino are kind of wooden as the parents, young Alexa Vega and Daryl Sabara get better as the film goes along. They manage to be both serious and have a sense of fun about their work. They’re having a good time, and they manage to establish a sly, sort of winking relationship with the audience; they definitely make this picture. The cast of villains is very good, including a surprising turn by Alan Cumming as Fegan Floop, the host of Juni’s favorite TV program; he really buries himself in the character and seems inseparable from the role while on screen.

Although Rodriguez’s script belabors the point about the need for family members to have each other’s back, the film is a fine example of an action film that everyone in the family can enjoy. The plot and story are simplistic, but not simple-minded, and Spy Kids has all the things that make “real” action movies exciting – thrills, gadgets, and a sense of urgency to save the good from the bad.

6 of 10
B

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Review: "Jumping the Broom" Hops with Family Melodrama

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 71 (of 2011) by Leroy Douresseaux

Jumping the Broom (2011)
Running time: 112 minutes (1 hour, 52 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for some sexual content
DIRECTOR: Salim Akil
WRITERS: Elizabeth Hunter and Arlene Gibbs; from a story by Elizabeth Hunter
PRODUCERS: Tracey E. Edmonds, Elizabeth Hunter, T.D. Jakes, Michael Mahoney, Glendon Palmer, and Curtis Wallace
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Anastas N. Michos
EDITOR: Terilyn A. Shropshire

COMEDY/DRAMA/ROMANCE

Starring: Angela Bassett, Paula Patton, Laz Alonso, Loretta Devine, Meagan Good, Tasha Smith, Julie Bowen, DeRay Davis, Valarie Pettiford, Mike Epps, Pooch Hall, Romeo Miller, Brian Stokes Mitchell, Gary Dourdan, T.D. Jakes, El DeBarge, Tenika Davis, and Vera Cudjoe

Jumping the Broom is a 2011 comedy and drama film that focuses on an African-American wedding. In fact, the film’s title is taken from an African-American tradition in which the bride and groom jump over a broom after being married. In the movie, two very different families meet and clash on Martha’s Vineyard in the days leading to the sudden wedding of a young couple.

Jumping the Broom focuses on Sabrina Watson (Paula Patton) and Jason Taylor (Laz Alonso), who are engaged to get married after knowing each other for only half a year. Jason’s family, the Taylors, is a downtown working class family from Brooklyn. Sabrina’s family, the Watsons, is an uptown group, and her parents have an estate in Chilmark on the island of Martha’s Vineyard.

Jason’s mother, Pam Taylor (Loretta Devine), is very upset that Jason is getting married to Sabrina at the last minute. Sabrina’s mother, Claudine Watson (Angela Bassett), is just as upset as Pam about this quickie marriage. What most upsets both mothers, however, is that they barely know each other’s family. As the two families come together at the Watson’s estate for the two-and-a-half day wedding event, everyone knows that class warfare is about to ensue. But no one suspects that some ugly family secrets are about to spill out into the open.

Obviously, Jumping the Broom is a hyper-idealized version of what happens when families get together for a big, busy, complex, and problematic event like a wedding (or a funeral). The things that this movie gets right are the petty feuds, unresolved disputes, simmering grievances, clashes of culture and class, the egos, the jealousies, the cheating, the selfishness, the marital discord, the second thoughts, etc. I could go on, but if you have a large enough family and have been to a big family get together, you know the pain and this movie will be painfully familiar. Jumping the Broom is good because it takes the pain and ugliness and shows us the good side of two families coming together for the first time, while spinning some remarkably sharp comic insights.

The film has some problems. Some of the dialogue is stiff, or is that just some bad acting? Also, there are way too many characters. DeRay Davis’ Malcolm has potential, but is extraneous here, as he pretty much serves the same purpose as Mike Epps’ Willie Earl Taylor, but less effectively. On the other hand, there is absolutely not enough of Vera Cudjoe’s Mabel.

Still, Jumping the Broom is kind of like an African-American version of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and non-African-Americans can enjoy Jumping the Broom the same way non-Greek Americans really dug My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Jumping the Broom is a universal tale of two families joining to celebrate two people bringing both clans together.

6 of 10
B

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

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Review: "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" is Still Big Fun

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 30 (of 2005) by Leroy Douresseaux

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)
Running time: 95 minutes (1 hour, 35 minutes)
MPAA – PG for sensuality and language
DIRECTOR: Joel Zwick
WRITER: Nia Vardalos
PRODUCERS: Rita Wilson, Tom Hanks, and Gary Goetzman
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Jeffrey Jur
EDITOR: Mia Goldman, A.C.E.
Academy Award nominee

COMEDY/FAMILY/ROMANCE

Starring: Nia Vardalos, John Corbett, Lanie Kazan, Michael Constantine, Gia Carides, Louis Mandylor, Andrea Martin, Joey Fatone, Fiona Reed, Bruce Gray, and Ian Gomez

Toula Portokalos (Nia Vardalos) is a 30-year woman of Greek ancestry (Greek-American?); single with no prospects for marriage, she considers herself a failure, and maybe her family is only a little less hard on her. All her cousins married good Greek boys and are making lots of Greek babies.

One day, she is serving coffee in her father, Gus Portokalos’s, restaurant, Dancing Zorba’s, when she sees and is attracted to the ultimate unavailable guy, Ian Miller (John Corbett; remember him from Northern Exposure, the DJ?), but she is afraid to engage him. Later, Toula resolves to change her life. She enters college, gives herself a makeover, and drops her coke-bottle glasses for contact lenses. Eventually, Ian reenters her life and they engage to marry, but her family, in particularly her father, is not big on the idea of her marrying a non-Greek. However, when the wedding is a go and everyone has more or less accepted it, Toula is headed for a big fat Greek wedding.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding was a shocker hit starting in Spring 2002 all the way through the summer. Every weekend, its box office take was nothing spectacular, but it was large and steady. The film also reportedly appealed to older people who rarely go to the movies, and just from my experience, “those people” really liked the film. It is currently the highest-grossing film never to have hit number one at the box office.

The film is seen as a story of clashing cultures, but it’s really about Toula’s clash with her ethnic background and culture and her generational differences with her father, Gus. There is a real edge to the tension between Toula and Gus, although neither actor gives a standout performance; they are, however, good enough to make this motor go. Some of the cultural clashes and aspects of Greek or Greco-American culture on display are utterly hilarious. Some of it is not funny, and some of it is simply overkill. The script is clunky that way, and it badly short shrifts Ian’s parents, Harriet and Rodney Miller (ably played by Fiona Reid and Bruce Gray); more of them would have added balance and sharpness to the scenes in the film that deal with Anglo and Greek clashes.

Vardalos earned an Oscar nomination for her screenplay, a bit of overkill, but what Vardalos and the director get right is atmosphere and realness. There’s a truth to My Big Fat Greek Wedding that crosses ethnic and so-called racial lines, making it a universal fairy tale that anyone with a big family and nosey relatives will enjoy. You might even find yourself shaking your head in agreement.

7 of 10
B+

NOTES:
2003 Academy Awards: 1 nomination: “Best Writing, Original Screenplay” (Nia Vardalos)

2003 Golden Globes: 2 nominations: “Best Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy” and “Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy” (Nia Vardalos)

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Review: "Red Riding Hood" is Contrived and Not Scary

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 70 (of 2011) by Leroy Douresseaux

Red Riding Hood (2011)
Running time: 100 minutes (1 hour, 40 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for violence and creature terror, and some sensuality
DIRECTOR: Catherine Hardwicke
WRITER: David Leslie Johnson
PRODUCERS: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Davisson Killoran, Alex Mace, and Julie Yorn
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Mandy Walker (D.o.P)
EDITORS: Nancy Richardson and Julia Wong
COMPOSERS: Alex Heffes and Brian Reitzell

FANTASY/HORROR/ROMANCE/MYSTERY

Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Gary Oldman, Billy Burke, Shiloh Fernandez, Max Irons, Virginia Madsen, Lukas Haas, Julie Christie, Adrian Holmes, and Archie Rice (voice)

Red Riding Hood is a 2011 film that belongs to several genres: Gothic horror, romance, and mystery. Catherine Hardwicke, who directed the first Twilight film, turned down directing the sequel (Twilight Saga: New Moon), and went on to direct Red Riding Hood, which is obviously meant to appeal to Twilight fans. This movie isn’t anywhere in the same league as Twilight.

Taking place some indeterminate centuries in the past, Red Riding Hood is set in the small village of Daggerhorn, which is situated on the edge of a haunted black forest. The story focuses on the lovely young Valerie (Amanda Seyfried), who as a child developed an affinity for hunting, sneaking out, and doing things boys do. Valerie also fell in love with Peter (Shiloh Fernandez), a young hunter, and wishes to marry him. Valerie’s mother, Suzette (Virginia Madsen), and father, Cesaire (Billy Burke), want her to marry Henry Lazar (Max Irons), a young blacksmith from a wealthy family.

For years, a werewolf has plagued Daggerhorn and, as the story begins, the beast murders Valerie’s older sister, Lucie (Alexandria Maillot). The village has summoned Father Solomon (Gary Oldman), a priest experienced in hunting werewolves. Shortly after Solomon arrives, the werewolf attacks again, so Solomon and his guards use the disaster as pretense to take control of the village. Solomon points his accusing finger at Valerie, who seems connected to werewolf, but as the death toll rises, perhaps, only the accused can save Daggerhorn.

When I first heard about Red Riding Hood going into production, I figured that Warner Bros. Pictures was trying to capitalize on the success Walt Disney Pictures had with its 2010 worldwide monster hit, Alice in Wonderland (directed by Tim Burton), by doing their own fairy tale thing. When I heard that Catherine Hardwicke was directing this film, I thought, “Throw in the Twilight demographic.”

As I wrote earlier, Red Riding Hood is no Twilight, and it is even more preposterous than Alice in Wonderland. Actually, here and there, this film has a few brilliant ideas – visually, at least (having Black men as some of Solomon’s guards, Valerie’s startling red robe, among them). For the most part, however, the rest of the film feels contrived, overdone, phony, etc. It seems like a pretentious project put together by a high school creative writing class. The score and soundtrack are fantastic and practically saves any sense of drama, mystery, and horror that Red Riding Hood has.

4 of 10
C

Friday, August 12, 2011

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Review: Performances Carry "Thirteen"

TRASH IN MY EYE NO. 174 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux

Thirteen (2003)
Running time – 100 minutes (1 hour, 40 minutes)
MPAA – R for drug use, self destructive violence, language and sexuality – all involving young teens
DIRECTOR: Catherine Hardwicke
WRITERS: Nikki Reed and Catherine Hardwicke
PRODUCERS: Jeffrey Levy-Hinte and Michael London
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Elliot Davis
EDITOR: Nancy Richardson
Academy Award nominee

DRAMA

Starring: Holly Hunter, Evan Rachel Wood, Nikki Reed, Jeremy Sisto, Brady Corbet, and Deborah Kara Unger

Thirteen is the story of Melanie Freeland (Evan Rachel Wood), a 13 year-old girl living with her single mother, Tracy Louise Freeland (Holly Hunter), and her brother, Mason (Brady Corbet). Melanie is an A-student but the pressures of being an L.A. teen surround her and eventually break her down via promiscuous bad girl Evie Zamora (Nikki Reed). Before long Melanie is into sex and drugs, and she becomes so materialistic that she begins to steal people’s purses and such for money. Things rapidly go from bad to worse when Evie invites herself to live with the Freelands, and Melanie falls headlong into reckless teenage abandon and rebellion. When will she hit bottom?

Thirteen is a nice drama about out of control and depressed teens, like Larry Clark’s Kids, but much less graphic and shocking. Still, the film’s portrayal of the hedonistic lives of the youngest teenagers is unsettling. Catherine Hardwicke does a good job keeping her film from being an “ABC After School Special” or some kind of movie of the week melodrama. The script by cast member Nikki Reed (who based the screenplay upon her actual experiences) and Hardwicke focuses more on delineating teenage rebellious atrocities, dangerous youth lifestyles, and other reckless behavior than on plot.

Thus, it’s the performances that really carry this film. Holly Hunter earned an Oscar® nomination for “Best Actress in a Supporting Role” for her performance as the mom Tracy, who does a remarkable job holding things together considering the state of her life. Ms. Hunter does have a habit of wearing her characters’ angst on her sleeve, but here, her Tracy is authentic, and the character centers everyone else’s dysfunctions into a workable system.

Evan Rachel Wood smolders as Melanie, but she clearly isn’t ready to show too much beneath the surface, though she has her gallant moments. It’s the same case with Nikki Reed; her face tells that there is so much more beneath the pouting, the sad eyes, the crassness and the trickery, but she’s not ready to go where the big girl actresses go when they create unforgettable performances.

7 of 10
B+

NOTES:
2004 Academy Awards: “Best Actress in a Supporting Role” (Holly Hunter)

2004 BAFTA Awards: “Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role” (Holly Hunter)

2004 Golden Globes: 2 nominations: “Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama” (Evan Rachel Wood) and “Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture” (Holly Hunter)

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